Trailblazer

I have a 2007 trailblazer, this morning it started, with some
effort, but electronics did not work. The dashboard didn’t
work, though the turn signals still worked, either did the
power windows, locks, or seat warmers.

I got to work, shut if off, and the car would not turn back
on. I was hoping it was just a dead battery, but when I
went to try to jump it, my key is now stuck in the ignition
(tried the usual jerking on the steering wheel to get it
loose, didn’t work), the shifter is stuck in Park, and I can’t
move it, even the button on the shifter doesn’t push in.

I am about to get my hands on a portable jumper, so
hopefully that will fix it, but anybody have some ideas?